Time to reflect 05/07/2012
 
Bouncy baby is sleeping for the night... or hopefully for the night.  We are currently re-sleep-training him because we got so out-of-sorts through the month of traveling we did to Central Asia and back and then to OC and back.  Just as things are finally settling down again, we're moving our of our apt. in a week and will be staying with family in OC for two weeks, then flying back to Sweden which will be our next temporary home until our return to Central Asia.  

It would be easy to feel stressed and overwhelmed, but by the grace and goodness of Daddy God, I'm not!  I feel I am resting, I am sane, and I am finishing this season of my life WELL.  And I'm happy for where I'm at.

It is neat to look back on this year at Bethel and see some of what God has done inside my heart.  I know so much more has happened than what I see, and that's exciting because I'm already seeing a lot!  Healing, restoration, redemption in regards to Central Asia and my time there and our future there.  Calling to family and being a Kingdom family.  Healing in family relationships.  Restoration of identity and freedom to be who I am created to be.  Value for being a mom.  Stewarding thankfulness.  Experiencing His glory in my daily life.  Living in the reality that God is so much bigger than Bethel, than me, than any place or person or movement.  He is big enough to show up right where I am no matter what that place is!

This quote probably best sums up what I believe God has been doing inside my heart this past year: "I am learning it is less about what I do or how much I accomplish.  It is all about becoming the message I am called to bring" (Michele Perry).  


Michele's book "Love has a Face" probably has had the greatest impact on my life this year.  I just bought two copies after reading my friend's copy.  One for myself to re-read again and one to give away.  If I had lots more money, I'd buy a whole bunch more to give away.  It was like God was encountering me on every page.  I'm usually a super fast reader, but I had to read this book little by little because my heart was getting so touched and wrecked by His presence and heart and love.  I couldn't help but cry out, "God I was meant to live a life laid down and overflowing like this!  I want this in my life!  Your glorious presence, more of You, Your love to pulsate through my heart like this for every person I encounter... I want to live my life as a love song to You.  A love song that never stops singing."

And that's it... my whole life is worship to God.  It's not just a song that I sing.  It's the life that I live, the thoughts I think, the attitude of my heart, the way I interact and respond and meet people, the time I spend with my son and husband... it's everything I do and am... it's a love song to You Jesus.  Let me never stop singing.
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By the grace and goodness of God, I made it to Hebrews Cafe where my friend Linnea is watching Samuel for me so I can email and work on my website.  She is a heaven-sent blessing to our family... she has done this countless times and I am so thankful.

So... Wictor, Samuel, and I have the opportunity to return to Central Asia this year on a two-week trip with Bethel International.  We're excited to go back as a family of three!!!  We'll be ministering to leaders there along with a team from Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, led by a woman who was one of 50 students who prayed over me and Wictor 2 years ago and were a big part of starting the healing process in my heart towards that area.

We're selling my newest CD "Be Loved" to raise funds to be able to go and we want to welcome you to partner with us in blessing the nations and loving on Central Asia.  If you want more info about our trip and hearts, just message me through this website.  

Bless you!


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It's a new year and with it comes my resolution to actually write in my blog.  Not a hard feat, except when i take into account the bouncy baby I have in my arms and lack of internet at home.  I have been at the library for half an hour and this is what i've written.  i'm proud of myself actually.  

i've got a lot more on my heart but it might just have to stay there for a little longer until the next time i get a half hour at the library.
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Last weekend I had the honor of singing with about ten others on Viola Grafström's live recording of her newest CD... it was an incredible experience to say the least!!  Not to mention super fun and super tiring :o)  I think the most enriching part of it was the environment, being surrounded by such incredibly talented musicians and singers, all of whom love Jesus with all their hearts.  Their hearts to worship God and make this project an offering to Him made the whole experience a soaking session in the presence of God... full of joy, creativity, freedom, and incredible musical excellence.  It was awesome!!!!

We spent about 9 hours Saturday and 9 hours Sunday in a super nice studio in Gothenberg - Nilento something.  Apparently people from all over the world fly in to record there... I thought that was cool. :o)  It had a bunch of recording rooms and each room had several TV screens that showed the other rooms... so each musician was in his/her own room but could see and hear all the others... I was with the other singers in our own little room... which really wasn't a room to begin with- it was like the entrance room into the studio, and it was super warm and lacking in oxygen, haha... we would shut the front door whenever we'd start to record and then open it as soon as we could to get better air and to cool off.

Viola's super neat to work with... she's not anal at all... in fact she's so laid back that the singers didn't even get the songs until several days before we started recording... and the first time all the musicians met to go through the songs together was two days before they went into the studio!!!  But there was so much grace over the whole project, and everyone was so talented that it actually worked... I personally couldn't pull something like that off... at least not for a long time :o)

Anyways, the CD comes out in October 2011, so I look forward to listening to it then! 
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January 22, 2011 - My friend Greg registered a bunch of domain names on my behalf that lead to my website!!  Yay!!  Thanks so much!  

January 01, 2011 - Wictor surprised me with the best Christmas present ever: an incredible home recording studio system!!!!  Studio Projects B3 mic, mic stand, midi cord, DigiDesign MBox 2 sound card, Pro Tools 8 studio system... AAAGHHHH I am sooo excited!!!
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August 19, 2010 - Uploaded final 10 songs today, probably last set for a little while.

August 05, 2010 - Uploaded the new song I was working on, called BE STILL AND KNOW, plus 4 other english songs and 2 swedish ones. Enjoy!
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July 19, 2010 - Worked on a new song today... it's a soft piano song from Psalm 121 and 46... it's been awhile since I wrote new songs, but it brings me so much joy and peace to do so!  I love to sing and write songs to and for my Jesus!

July 11, 2010 - Uploaded new songs and my first two Swedish songs today :)  Worked on translating another song to Swedish... hmmm...

July 03, 2010 - Uploaded 5 more songs today
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Okay, so this week I've been a bit overwhelmed and weighed down by some things going on in my family.  The Lord encouraged me with these verses from 2 Cor. 4:16-18 :


"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.  For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 


The neat thing I just realized with that verse is that it is WHILE we look at the things unseen, AS WE SET OUR GAZE on things above, that our light affliction works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.  Affliction works FOR us AS we set our eyes on things above!!  On Christ!!  What the enemy meant for evil, God turns into good and an "exceeding and eternal weight of glory" as we set our eyes on things unseen and CHOOSE to look at Jesus.  As we choose to walk by faith and not by sight.  


That's awesome!!!  It is possible to never lose in Jesus.  Even when situations seem hopeless, there is God working the hopeless situation into something beautiful and glorious through my choosing to set my eyes on Him.


"If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.  For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." Col. 3:1-4


It's like Abraham, who "did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, AS HE GAVE GLORY TO GOD, being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform" (Rom. 4:20-21, emphasis added).  It was as Abraham gave glory to God that his faith was strengthened, until he became fully convinced that every promise was yes and amen in Christ Jesus.  


That brings me joy!!!!
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June 19, 2010 - I finally uploaded 5 new songs!!! 

June 26, 2010 - I uploaded 5 new songs today :)

June 28, 2010 - I added a comments thing in my MUSIC tab, so now you can all let me know what you think of my songs!! :)

June 28, 2010 - Okay, I took it away cuz it looked ugly where I had it.  People can just email me if they want.

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I I love that life is a journey. I remember the first time I heard that was at a One Thing Conference in Missouri, KC at the International House of Prayer. I was sitting in the worship room and half-worshipping/half-watching as Misty Edwards sang and played the piano... I wanted to be like her. As I sat there, a young woman came up to me and put a little note into my hands. She'd been watching me as I watched Misty and I can't remember exactly what she wrote, but it was something like this, "I see that you admire Misty for the gift that God has given her, but you are a worshipper too. It comes from intimacy, from spending time with the Lord and soaking in His word. Life is a journey. Enjoy the journey..."

That little note meant so much to me then and it still does. I think "wanting to be like someone else" has been an on-off struggle for me for as long as I can remember. It is easy for me to look at someone else and think, "I wish I could be like that," and discount the person that God created me to be. I somehow think that someone else's gifting or ministry or place in life is much better than mine, and I lose sight of the fact that God has created me as and for something special too. That little note meant to turn my eyes off of Misty and onto Jesus Christ, the One that I was created to be like. No one else can reflect Jesus or worship Him in the way that I can. No one else can reflect Jesus or worship Him in the way that you can either. We're each made in God's image to reflect His glory, beauty, and love in a way that only we can as His unique children.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean that it's wrong to admire someone or to long after what someone else has in a godly sense- it is! Paul says to imitate him as he imitates Christ- we need godly men and women whom we can imitate in their love for God, who have walked with Him through thick and thin and come to know Him deeply and intimately, who have gone before us into spiritual places that we long to go. We need that!

But what I'm talking about is something else, like the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality that we can have with our spirituality as well. When my husband and I moved to Sweden for him to finish his schooling and for me to get medical care for my foot injury, it was exciting and unsettling at the same time. I soon began to feel very antsy and dissatisfied, hearing of friends who were running hard after God and doing mighty things for Him that I longed to be doing. I began feeling again that I wished I was there instead of where I was, comparing their "big" ministries with my "nonexistent" one. God spoke to my heart one day as I brought it before Him and showed me that these kinds of thoughts were a form of idolization. In my comparison, I made wanting to be like that other person and have that other ministry more important than wanting to be like Christ and ministering in what He was putting before me. He didn't want my "sacrifice" to be as great as the other people. He wanted my obedience and my love- who am I to say that loving one person is less important than preaching to a multitude? He's not interested in great people, but in lowly people...

I wrote a song out of that experience called Undivided Heart. It comes out of Psalm 86:11 - "Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."  The song is a prayer from my heart that God would give me an undivided heart that seeks to glorify Him alone and live a life that crowns Him with praise and love. It's a song about bowing down that He might be lifted up and that He would take away everything that glitters and shines and draws me away from Him. I'm not opposed to big ministries (I was thinking of big ministries when I wrote it), but I do want my heart to be in the right place, not half-worshipping/half-idolizing those around me. I want to live a life that brings Him pleasure and not seek the praise or approval of man. I want to become more and more like Christ and to reflect Him in the way that only I can because there's only one Yvonne Victoria Tao in the world!

I need to be continuously reminded of that. I was made for His glory and His alone. My life is a journey, not a destination, and it's a journey into the heart of God. I want to enjoy this journey for all eternity.

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